NCIS team
by ncis.is.the.best
Summary: A one-shot parody about the NCIS team and how they get back together after the events of Judgement Day. Purely for humor.


Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own NCIS.

Well hello.

I think I posted this a while ago, but I accidentally deleted it.

So here it is again.

Remember this is purely for entertainment and humor. This is not to be taken seriously.

Enjoy.

And please review.

* * *

One day there was a man. His name was Anthony DiNozzo, but his friends called him Tony. He worked for NCIS. He was insanely hot and a player. Ziva David worked there too. She was a crazy-kick-ass-ninja-mossad-assasin-spy-chick. Everyone thought that Ziva and Tony should get together, because they would look awesome in photos together and eventually have kids with really good hair and awesome ninja skills. They worked with a guy called Timothy McGee. He was a noob and also known as Elf Lord. Their boss' name was Leroy Jethro Gibbs, but everyone just called him Gibbs, unless they had previously banged him, in which case they called him Jethro. He had an unhealthy obsession with building boats and whacking people over the head. They had a forensic scientist called Abby that was a happy Goth that could kill you and leave no forensic evidence. She was addicted to Caf-Pows, a caffeinated slurpie type thing. Ducky was the medical examiner that had an annoying habit of ranting on about things that no one really cared about. Palmer was his assistant that often said creepy things that most people would ignore.

* * *

One day, there was a shootout in a diner in outback L.A. Their director, Jenny, who Gibbs had previously banged, got killed and the new director called them to his office. He said that Ziva had to go back to Israel with her lunatic father, Tony had to go spend some time on a ship where there were only men so that he would stop being such a player and McGee had to go be a geek with a whole bunch of other geeks. Gibbs' was to get a new team of loser Probies that Gibbs' would no doubt give massive head trauma to within a couple of days.

* * *

2 days later-

After a whole bunch of stuff happened, the new director was dead for some reason. Tony received a broken nose, only because he is so hilarious when he is on painkillers and Ziva had tortured some people, because everyone love to see crazy-kick-ass-ninja-mossad-assasin-spy-chick looking tough and killing people. McGee did some stuff to his computer which made some other stuff happen and Gibbs again undermined the authorities in order to get his team back.

* * *

Of Gibb's three Probies, two died from… you guessed it, massive head trauma. The other one was put into an institution and began receiving treatment for his psychological trauma from the past few days.

After Tony returned from his ship, he decided that he had changed for the better and would never have sex again. Unfortunately, when Ziva got back from Israel, after murdering her lunatic father and faking her own death, she seemed to have decided that she did in fact love Tony and Tony soon gave up on his goal after Ziva seduced him in the NCIS elevator.

McGee realized that his life revolved around a computer game and decided to commit suicide. Lucky for him, he hadn't yet grasped the concepts of reality and the gaming world. You can imagine his surprise when he ran his Elf Lord into a hoard of flying lizard-faeries and was still alive.

Gibbs decided that he was finished with women after Jenny's death. He and his boyfriend, Jack, are still together to this day.

Abby overdosed on Caf-Pows and had to have her stomach pumped. After three attempts, she finally quit and is well on her way to recovery. She describes the change in her lifestyle as dramatic and amazing.

Ducky finally found someone that would listen to his stories and not interrupt him. He and his pet canary are very happy.

Palmer was fired from NCIS after allegedly having sexual relationships with the corpses in autopsy. He said in his statement that 'dead people don't laugh at him like the alive ones do'.

Tony and Ziva lived happily ever after and had three kids with really good hair and awesome ninja skills. They have the best looking family photos in the entire world.

* * *

All hail the show we all know and love, NCIS.

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked it. Please review.


End file.
